99 Ways to Annoy Someone
by Suicidal Muffin-chan
Summary: Idea 27: Count your steps. Out loud. In German.
1. Mumbling

I needed a sort of cute, fluffy fic to get my mind off the serious stuff. Please enjoy!

Allergy information: This chapter conatins swearing, a lusting lion, and OOC-ness.

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Idea 1: Mumble when you speak.

Leon sighed heavily. He was finally in college, finally free from the dreaded place he called home. Still, Fate seemed to hate him. He just so happened to end up with, perhaps, the most annoying roommate in all of history. Cloud Strife. Sure, when he had first moved in, he was somewhat grateful to be stuck with the blonde. He was a pretty interesting guy. (Though, the truthful side of his mind said that Cloud was the hottest person he had ever laid eyes on, but Leon didn't like to think about it that way.)

However, after Cloud's liveliness had sort of triggered his grumpy side, the blonde had just grown annoying.

Leon flopped down in a chair, pouring his breakfast cereal into a bowl.

"Hey, Cloud, can you pass the milk?"

"Sure. … Grfmpibestrd." The last part was, of course, mumbled, as he passed Leon the carton of milk.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Iddndstettr."

"No, you mumbled. And you're not a very good mumbler."

"I assure you that I have no idea what you're talking about." Cloud said, rising to carry his bowl over to the sink. "Well, I'll see you later. Unfrtntely."


	2. Calling

This story is very fun to write. Enjoy:)

Allergy information: This chapter contains swearing, explicit threatens of castration and other bad stuff, and OOC-ness.

* * *

Idea 2: Call every five minutes, "just to say hi."

"Finally, I get a break." Leon muttered to no one, as he strolled through the park. It was late in the evening, but this was always his favorite time of the day.

RRRING.

"Goddammit!" The brunette had the urge to crush his cell phone for disturbing his peace, but he resisted it, took a deep breath, and pulled the offending object out of his pocket.

Not even bothering to look at the display, he answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Leon.. I just wanted to call to say hi." His blond roommate said with a giggle.

"Cloud, what the fuck?"

"Well, it's boring without you here to annoy, you know."

CLICK.

Leon took another deep breath, holding it in and letting it out slowly. That guy surely knew how to get on his nerves.

RRRING.

This time, the (not so much anymore) stoic brunette glanced at the display, which said 'Cloud'.

"What do you want this time?"

"Weeeell, I was just calling to say hi, but someone's a little bit grumpy today."

CLICK.

This time, the brunette had nearly eight whole, precious minutes to himself before the phone rang again; once again, it was Cloud.

"Strife, I swear to God if you call again I will personally castrate you, make a mold from your detached organ, then construct a dildo from it and send it back to you."

"Woah, touchy much?"

"You've called me three times in the past ten minutes, and you're the last person I want disturbing my peace."

"Fine, fine…"

CLICK.

Fearing for his life (well, more like the life of a certain body part that was very dear to him), Cloud didn't dare call back.


	3. Spreading Rumors

I apologize for the short-ness.

Allergy information: This chapter contains swearing and very strange, inconceivable (and hopefully untrue) rumors.

Idea 3: Spread impossibly scandalous rumors about them.

"Hey, Leon?" A guy from his dorm-- Leon couldn't remember his name, but he felt it started with an R, perhaps?-- appeared in his open doorway, leaning casually on the doorframe.

"Yeah?"

"There's a rumor going around that you made out with a chipmunk."

"What the hell?"

"Yeah, your roommate told me that he'd heard that. Just thought you should know. Cloud seemed very set on insisting that little piece of information to the entire school." The silver-haired man paused for a moment, as if thinking. "He also said that you're terrified of swans and the color orange makes you want to punch a unicorn."

"I'll fucking kill that bitch one of these days."


	4. Vaseline

Teehee.

Allergy information: This chapter contains mentions of buttsecks, a possessive Cloud-stalking Sephiroth and more lusty Leon.

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Idea 4: Put Vaseline all over their locker.

Leon trudged out of the gym showers after a very long workout, and he just wanted to go take a nice, long nap. Until he tried to open his locker, in which he had left his normal clothes, only to find it was completely covered in a slick substance.

'What the fuck?' he thought. 'Is that… Vaseline?' He gave the locker an incredulous look, as if it were the source of all evil, before he realized it now looked like he'd been having anal sex with someone. Resisting the urge to pummel the nearest object, he yelled for his blond roommate.

"CLOUD!"

"Yes, Leon dearest?" He asked, poking his spiky head out of the showers.

"What, pray tell, did you do to my locker?"

"Nothing." He said, giving him a funny look. He stepped out of the showers, wearing only a towel-- Leon had to remind himself to look somewhere else-- walking over to my locker and looking at it. "Is that Vaseline on your locker?" He raised an eyebrow at the brunette.

"That's what I'd like to know." Leon muttered. "You seriously didn't do it?"

"No… But I wish I had." He said, mumbling the last part. Leon slapped him lightly upside the head.

"So… Then who did?"

"I don't know."

"…"

"… Maybe there's a note inside?" Cloud suggested. Leon tore his eyes away from where they'd started staring at the blonde's chest and dialed in the combination. As Cloud had guessed, a note awaited him, so Leon raised an eyebrow in suspicion at the blonde. "Hey, it wasn't me!" He said with a pout. "I just watch too many movies."

The brunette chuckled at his roommate. "So… Who's it from?" The blonde asked, pulling absentmindedly at one of his gravity-defying spikes.

"Uhh, oh, yeah, right." Leon opened it.

'Cloud is mine.

--Sephiroth'

"Yeah, it just says that you belong to Sephy, that's pretty much it."

"Oh, okay. Wait, what?"

Leon handed the paper to Cloud, who frowned at it. "He's dead." He muttered.

"Why?"

"… Because I told him to stop stalking me three and a half weeks ago."

"Oh."

"…"

"Hey, Cloud?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you go so I can change?"

Cloud blushed brightly, turning away and mumbling something inaudible before walking off back to the showers. Leon resisted the urge to laugh at him, instead opting to pull on his leather clothes. He silently remarked to himself something about paying Sephiroth back, but he wasn't sure if he was grateful to him or mad at him. Because, yeah, he did desecrate his locker, but, hello, Cloud in only a towel? That was a very, very lovely image that was forever imprinted in his mind.


	5. Magazines

Soooo sorry for the wait! To be truthful, I had forgotten this was already written AND I've been working on my other story (Misérable). Kudos to Eddy Leonhartslover for reminding me about this. :D

Here it is. This chapter isn't very good at all, so I hope you'll bear with me. Sorry it's so short; I couldn't think of anything else to write.

I'll try to work on the next chapter soon.

Allergy information: This chapter contains OOC-ness, mentions of homosexuality (well, sort of) and an awkward floof-y situation.

* * *

"Uh, Cloud, you look really scary right now." 

The blonde laughed manically, then choked on air. After about two minutes and fourteen seconds (but hey, who's counting?), he quieted down tremendously.

"… Sooo, what are you doing?" Leon asked, poking his roommate to make sure he was still living.

"Getting back at Sephiroth, what else?"

"Something tells me this won't end well."

A few minutes later, Cloud shouted a victorious "Ha!" He threw a magazine at Leon, who curiously picked it up and almost fell over from shock.

Displayed proudly (and rather largely) on the cover of a Playgirl magazine was a fake address sticker, with Sephiroth's name on it. Seeing Leon's astonishment, he grinned, and told him that he had five others like it.

"Out of curiosity," Leon began. "What exactly do you plan on doing with them?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just leaving them around campus, at the mall, in the park, you know… Stuff like that."

"We are so dead."

"Why, yes; yes, we are."

* * *

Leon had barricaded his roommate and himself in the dorms, knowing that Sephiroth was bound to find at least one of the magazines, and they would immediately be blamed. Vaguely, he wondered where the hell Cloud had gotten those magazines; he couldn't really imagine the blonde buying them-- he was sort of shy about that kind of stuff.

A rather angry-sounding yell caused Leon to jump slightly, though he'd deny it in the presence of anyone, and Cloud squeaked and ran behind him. He could fully understand why; Sephiroth was rather frightening, even when he wasn't angry, so he must be a million times worse now that they'd upset him.

A knock on the door resounded in the small, nearly empty room, and Cloud cautiously walked over to the door and opened it a crack. Almost immediately, he slammed it shut and locked it, dramatically jumping onto Leon, who toppled over from surprise.

Cloud hovered over him slightly for a short while, breathless. Leon could feel his heart beating against his chest, and he quickly pushed Cloud off of him with a soft blush. The blonde mumbled a "sorry" as he stared at the floor, still blushing.

"So, I take it Sephiroth was at the door?" Leon asked, trying to get out of the awkward moment.

"Huh? Oh, no, it was just Demyx, trying to talk us into one of his crazy ideas."

"… You know, maybe I'm going insane, but I think you're the one with the crazy ideas. I mean, we just placed porn mags with your stalker's name on it around town to get back at him."

"True…"

"Speaking of which, where'd you get them, anyways?"

Cloud shrugged. "I know a lot of gay men, that's all."

"Uh-huh…"

"Well, I'm going to sleep." Cloud said, crawling into a bed.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"… I just told you."

"Yeah, but you're in my bed."

"… That's because mine's currently barricading the doorway. And I'm not going to be over there when Sephiroth kicks that door down."

"Well, neither am I!"

"… So, then, sleep with me." Leon stared at him, blinking slowly. "T-that's not what I meant!" The blonde said quickly. "I-I meant, uh, you know! In the same bed! With clothes!"

"Okay, fine." Leon sighed, crawling into bed with him. "I'll sleep with you." The brunette said with a smirk.


	6. Herpes

This one's really short, I know. But I find it cute. Besides, you can't complain. I updated pretty damn quickly. :P

Allergy information: This chapter contains OOC-ness, a bored and hyper Cloud, and herpes.

* * *

"Leooooon," Cloud whined to his roommate. He was devastatingly bored. 

"What now?" The brunette didn't even bother to look up from the book he was reading. He'd long since learned to, for the most part, ignore his friend (some way, somehow, the blonde had managed to work his way into Leon's life) but sometimes he couldn't help it. Cloud could be so damned annoying at times.

"I'm bored."

"Go find Yuffie or something."

"But… Yuffie kind of scares me."

Leon pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up to stare at his blond roommate.

"Fine. What do you want to do?"

"… I don't know."

Leon almost hit him. Almost. At the deciding moment he had managed to restrain himself, reminding his body that Cloud did, in fact, not need to be beaten on a daily basis. Every other day was fine.

"Then what do you want me to do about it?"

Cloud shrugged. Leon sighed and went back to reading his book. Cloud could do homework or something. No one knows how much he had unfinished.

Randomly, the blonde leaped up and ran over to his roommate tagging him before returning to his bed. Leon looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"You have herpes now!" Cloud announced happily after a short moment of silence.

Leon threw a random nearby object (it turned out to be a pen) at him.


	7. Buz!

**_Major kudos to Eddy Leonhartslover for the idea of this chapter._**

Disclaimer (because I've been forgetting these): I wish, people, I wish. Leon would so totally be my bitch. But, last I knew, he wasn't.

And sorry for the long wait; I've been hung up on doing one-shots lately (they're all Leon and Cloud, for anyone that's interested) and I have two other stories in progress (only one of which is posted here) as well as one that's being rewritten and one that's on hiatus. Add school, Orchestra and Chorus in all this, and it's plain crazy. Plus now I'm in a theatre club. I'm a busy person, so I'm sorry that my updates are rather slow. After my first few concerts (there'll be plenty of them, I'm sure) and All-State auditions it should be a little less hectic.

* * *

Idea 7: Buzz to no end when someone does not pay attention to you. Then ignore them.

"Leon," Cloud whined. "I'm bored."

"…And?" The brunette replied simply. He was poring over the excessive amounts of homework his professors had given him for the weekend.

"Entertain me!"

"Cloud, this may come as a shock to you, but I was not put on this earth to entertain you." He hadn't even bothered to look up from his book on world religions (he still couldn't figure out exactly why he was taking that course, anyways).

Cloud pouted cutely, but in vain; Leon still didn't look up. An idea came to him from nowhere, and he decided to see where it would go.

"Buz. Buz. Buz." He continued buzzing softly, wondering how long it would take for his new boyfriend to notice.

"Hey, did you hear something buzzing?" Sixteen seconds. Then again, part of that time could be accounted for Leon trying to figure out what he was hearing, if he was actually hearing it, and where it was coming from; two out of three isn't that bad.

"No, no, not at all. Are you feeling well?"

Without a reply, Leon returned to his extensive assignment. Cloud continued buzzing. For nearly forty-five minutes.

"Okay, fine, I'll entertain you." Leon said, allowing the book to drop to the floor loudly as well as unceremoniously.

"Mm, no, it's okay; I think I'm going to go to bed now." He stood and stretched languidly with a small yawn before lying down on the bed (they only use Leon's now, because they sleep in the same bed).

Quite a few thumps were heard; most likely, Leon was pounding his head into the wall or a hard book. Or he was destroying more furniture.

"Lee, you really shouldn't do that. You'll get brain damage." Cloud advised. The pounding stopped; apparently, Leon didn't want to be on the blonde's level of thinking (how harsh of him to think that!).

Needless to say, Cloud didn't get any for a week.


	8. Smiling

I'm terribly, terribly sorry and oh so ashamed for leaving this story on hold for so long. I was... "distracted"... and slightly busy. I'll ATTEMPT to keep the updates coming, but I'm not making any promises. (_Soleil_ fans, please hold out a bit longer... I'm trying to come up with a plot twist.)

Well, please enjoy! As always, reviews are welcome! (And thanks for the current 40+ reviews, and all the favorites and alerts!)

Allergy Information: Bluntness and vulgarity. Homosexuality (well, sort of). Language. Mentions of alcohol. You know, all the stuff you'd expect in a fic I wrote.

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Idea 8: Follow them around, smiling a lot.

"Cloud, would you _please_ stop that idiotic smiling?" Leon asked for what, to him, seemed to be the millionth time.

"Sorry," his blond roommate replied, his grin still in place.

Leon felt his eye twitching involuntarily. Not only had Cloud been smiling nonstop, but he'd been following him around… All. Fucking. Day. The brunette turned away from the spiky-haired man, grumbling as he opened the door to the men's bathroom and went in, hoping Cloud wouldn't be stupid enough to follow. Of course, he underestimated his roommate, as most people do. Cloud did, in fact, follow him, and he was definitely still smiling broadly.

"Why can't you go back to brooding or something?" Leon asked. The question was rhetorical, but he knew he should have expected a response.

"Tried that already," he said with a shrug. "It gets kind of boring after seven years."

"SEVEN?"

"Well, yeah. Since the end of sixth grade." Cloud shrugged. Then, he went back to smiling.

"… That's really annoying."

"You're just jealous cause I get more than you." Cloud said, sticking his tongue out at the other.

"I don't see how, seeing as I'm the only one you've done in the past month."

After the incident involving magazines and a rather angry, sword-wielding Sephiroth, the two had gotten slightly drunk, and had pretty much fucked like rabbits, to put it lightly, as they had since. And it was pretty much all Leon could think about anymore.

"…Damn you."

There was a small silence in which Leon stared blankly and Cloud glared (or, rather, attempted to). And then the blonde went back to grinning like a maniac. Leon's palm was introduced to his face.


	9. Car

Woo, I'm one-eleventh of the way done! Haha, yeah. I have no school today, so I've written two oneshots and this chapter.

Allergy Information: Mentions of sex. I cussed once.

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Idea 9: Touch their car. (This is only effective if they either strongly dislike you or they really like their car.)

"So, what's this for?" Cloud asked, pointing at a random part.

"Shouldn't you know this? I thought you worked for Cid."

Cloud scowled. "We work on motorcycles," he pointed out, "Not cars."

"The parts can't be that different."

Cloud grabbed his water bottle and took a long drink, leaning up against Leon's car. Leon blinked, glared, discovered his glares were now ineffective, blinked, glared some more, and then finally grabbed Cloud and forcefully moved him.

"What the hell?"

"Don't touch the car."

"…you ask me to repair your car, but you don't want me touching it," Cloud said disbelievingly.

"No, I asked you to help me repair my car. As in, you give directions that I follow."

"As long as I don't touch your car."

"…yes."

Cloud rolled his eyes and leaned back into whatever was behind him. It just so happened to still be Leon's car: apparently, cars don't move of their own accord.

"Off!" Cloud promptly obeyed.

"I still can't believe you don't trust me touching your car… I mean, that's, like, the only thing of yours you don't let me touch."

"I'm going to ignore that you're making sexual innuendos right now," Leon muttered as he leaned over the various machinery that resided under the hood of his beloved car.

"I hope you're that good at ignoring the fact you won't be getting sex for a week."

"You wouldn't last a day. We all know I'm better at withholding sex."

"A day? I could last a month."

"Uh-huh, sure, babe," Leon said absently.

"Fine, then. You're on. If I last a month, you're my slave for a week."

"Deal. And if you give in, you get to be my slave.""Deal."

They shook on it. And then Cloud ran to the dorm to try to figure out how he was supposed to last a month without sex and Leon tried to clean off the mark Cloud had left on his precious car.

* * *

Hokay. So I's has a feeling the next chapter will be rather... inappropriate... Well, moreso than the rest of them. (I'll give you a hint: the next idea is 'Touch them constantly,' but I plan on putting a sexual spin on it because I'm a horrible person.)

So, (dis)encouragement is welcome. Either way, I'd like to hear from you.

Next chapter could either be up by the end of this weekend or in a month; depends on whether or not my friends can be coerced into movie-going, how much toll rehearsals take on me, and how much homework and studying I must do in order to maintain a GPA above 3.8 (I'm an overachiever).

GAMBARIMASU!


	10. Touching

Haha, this was insanely fun to write. I'm not sure why I put it off for so long.

Also, I think this might need upgraded to an M-rating. Feedback on that (and, uh, the chapter, too) is appreciated.

**Allergy Information****:** Mentions of gay sex. Swearing.

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Idea 10: Touch them.

Leon glanced at his roommate, who was sleeping soundly on their shared bed. It had been thirty days since the last time they'd had sex, and quite frankly it was driving the brunet insane. While he was normally the one withholding, Cloud was proving to be rather good at it-- not to mention that he seemed to be _enjoying_ that his lover was practically going insane.

There was no way Leon was going to last sleeping in bed beside Cloud. No fucking way. Especially not when Cloud would wake up as the brunet slipped into bed beside him, kiss him, and snuggle up to the warm body. Really, Leon didn't mind when the blonde touched him-- quite the opposite, actually; he enjoyed it _immensely_-- but he hated being touched when he hadn't had sex, and even more so when the person touching him was the reason he'd been denied sex for damn near a month.

"I'm fucking screwed," Leon mumbled. Then he paused and corrected himself; if he _was_ screwed, then he wouldn't be in this situation. He felt like he was going to die, he had an almost-permanent erection, and the last time he'd managed to get off was fifteen days ago.

With a longsuffering sigh, Leon got into bed. As predicted, Cloud woke up, murmured a sleepy greeting followed by a kiss-- and then Leon's carnal needs took over. Cloud really couldn't be bothered to resist.

--rawrimaline--

Later, when Leon was fully sated and peacefully sleeping for the first time in almost a month, Cloud spared a glance at the clock.

"Fuck," he swore.

11:59.

* * *

Haha, poor Cloud, losing just a little before. I actually feel a little bit sorry for him... and everyone playing The Game that just lost.


	11. Junk Mail

This was mighty fun.

In fifteen hours, I'll be waking up (at four in the morning, mind you) to get on my flight for New York. Needless to say, I'm rushing to get some stuff out.

**Allergy Information: **Honestly? Except for the normal homosexuality, this chapter's pretty clean... unless you count talking about male enhancements dirty.

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Idea 11: Send them junk mail.

Leon entered his dorm room to find Cloud at the desk, seemingly working viciously to any outsider. However, Leon _knew _Cloud, and he knew that the blonde never did homework. Ever. It was a wonder he was passing his classes.

The brunet came to stand behind his roommate, leaning over his shoulder.

"What are you working on?"

Cloud turned to give him a kiss before responding, "Constructing junk mail," and turning back to the computer.

"Why?"

"Why else? To annoy Sephiroth."

Leon rolled his eyes, but smiled almost invisibly. "Have fun with that."

"Glad to know you approve." Cloud leaned back and stared at the computer. "Hey, I need a brand name for a male enhancement hormone."

"I'm not in on this," Leon responded, beginning to work on his homework. "Sephiroth will have my head for helping you out, and unlike you I can't avoid him, since we have classes together."

Cloud pouted but didn't argue. He stared at the computer screen for a while before asking, "Hey, do you think he'll believe it if I just put it's for Viagra?"

Leon shrugged. "I doubt he'll even care, Cloud."

"Okay, that works."

Two days later, Sephiroth got four letters from Viagra, six letters from various credit card companies, and two letters from the University in the next city over. He almost considered checking out the last.

* * *

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. And I'm sorry if this chapter fails.. I just wrote it in, like, ten minutes. (I'm a BEAST on the computer.)


	12. Laughing

Ooh. I did it. This chapter's a bit weird, so bear with me.

**Allergy Information:** Cloud seems rather insane (more so than usual, at least). There's sort of implied sex at the end, but not really.

* * *

Idea 12: Smile and laugh incessantly, including hints to shut your face.

When Leon entered his dorm, Cloud was grinning maniacally for the second time. Casting him a suspicious glance, Leon sat down at the desk to do his homework.

"Hey, Cloud, where are all the pens?" Cloud laughed. "…no, seriously." He laughed again. "Fine. Whatever. I'll just go see if Sora has one."

--thisisinspanishwhenyourenotlooking--

While Leon was gone, Riku appeared in their open door.

"Hey, Cloud, we're ordering pizza. Do you want any?" Still not saying anything, Cloud laughed. "…I'll take that as a 'no.'"

--iwanttobealinewhenigrowup--

Three hours later, after Leon had finally found someone who had a pen he could use, and after he had finished his homework, he yawned. He'd pulled an all-nighter that day to finish an essay for Biology, so it didn't matter that it was hardly eight in the evening; he was exhausted.

"Hey, Cloud, I'm going to bed." Cloud merely laughed. Again. With a roll of his eyes, Leon grabbed Cloud's shirt and pulled him close, kissing him firmly on the lips to shut him up. At Cloud's soft keening noise, Leon couldn't help but smirk into the blonde's mouth. Reluctantly, Leon pulled away before Cloud tried to deepen it. "So you _can_ do more than laugh."

Cloud just grinned back and pulled Leon onto the bed.

* * *

I hope you all liked. I do realize it's extremely short, and I'll try to work on the next one soon.


	13. Not Looking

Yep. You waited a whole two months for this piece of crap. Blame my teachers.

On the bright side? I've already started the next chapter. But, then again, you probably know how that is...

**Allergy Information****:** Holy smokes! Just ONE thing: I cussed ONCE. Wow.

* * *

**Idea 13: Look about four inches to the right of everyone to whom you speak.**

"…tonight Tifa wants us at her house for her… birthday… party and why are you looking behind me?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Leon, continue," Cloud replied, looking directly at the brunet.

"Alright… so, Tifa's part is tonight… Oh, and my mom wants to meet you sometime--"

Cloud's eyes formerly wandering, snapped back to Leon's unwavering gray eyes. "What?"

"My mom. She wants to meet you this weekend."

"You talked to your mom about me?"

"Considering we spend most of the day together, of course I did. But she has this weird impression that we're… getting… serious-- you're doing it again."

Still not looking to Leon, Cloud simply said, "Ah. What made her think that?"

"I gave no idea. She said something about the way I talk about you…"

"But you hate me.""I know! That's why I was so confused!"

"…thanks, Leon. Really."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, I know."

"I don't _hate_ you."

"I know."

"But sometimes you just get on my-- for fuck's sake, Cloud, what are you looking at?" Leon exclaimed, exasperated.

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

Leon pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on already.


	14. TV

LAWLHIGUIZZ. Yeah. Sorry about leaving this for so long... I was distracted with other things. And I probably should be doing them now, but this came first!

This chapter is partially brought to you by my broken TV remote, my lack of anything edible and non-sentient in my fridge, and... uh, procrastination, really. Because I'd rather write this than read six chapters about schizophrenia. Or write Latin derivatives. Or do the electron diagram for sulfuric acid.

**Allergy Information:** The existence of creepy little monsters (CHEEZMUNSTER!) in refrigerators. FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE-EATER. (It will all make sense in time.)

* * *

Idea 14: Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

"Hey, what's up?" Leon greeted, pressing a chaste kiss to Cloud's cheek. He'd been seemingly placated after winning their bet, and Cloud really couldn't complain seeing as the brunet hadn't made him do anything embarrassing… _yet._ So far, it'd been, "Cloud, wash the dishes," or, "Cloud, will you give me a back massage?" or the occasional, "Cloud, please just leave me alone."

Leon was a rather pleasant slave master, Cloud mused. Leon lie next to him on the bed, soft brown hair tickling Cloud's arm.

"Cloud, can you turn on the TV?"

"Yeah, sure." Cloud felt around for the remote, finding it hiding inside a cavern of sheets and blankets, and-- after having to beat the chipped (Leon was frustrated a week ago) remote to make it work-- turned on their television. He then placed the remote in Leon's waiting hand.

For a moment, they both stared at the TV in silence. And then…

"Cloud, why are the people green?"

"…I like it that way."

"Of course you do." Leon handed the remote back to Cloud. "Now change it back to normal," he ordered, getting up to forage for something edible in their nearly empty refrigerator.

"This is normal!" Cloud defended. "…for aliens," he added as an afterthought.

"I like to watch TV with normal, human colours," Leon fought back, shutting the door when he realized that anything in the fridge was quite possibly sentient. (Leon shuddered, as the thought reminded him of a horrible dream he'd had when he was little about a cheese monster: a jurassic, orange glob of goo that wanted to eat everyone in revenge for its family.) "Now change it back." Leon forced Cloud into a brief goodbye kiss. "I'm going for dinner."

Cloud pouted and mumbled something about stupid brunets, but went about setting the TV back to "normal, human colours." Or at least making a valiant attempt to restore the settings to normal. Wasn't there a "revert" button on the menu? It seemed there wasn't, Cloud noticed with a groan.

"Hey, Clo--" Zack paused in the doorway; Leon must have left their door open when he went to pick up food. "Why are the people purple?"

"I… like it this way?"


	15. If You Will

Yay, an update! Although tomorrow is technically the last day of school, I don't have to go since I have no exams tomorrow... I'm now on summer break! Hopefully that means longer and more frequent updates. If not, well... just slap me or something, haha. I promise to I'll (at least pretend to) enjoy it.

**Allergy Information****:** Leon has a pottymouth-- er, brain? And part of this may _sound_ racist, but it's white-on-white crime, I assure you.

* * *

Idea 15: Say, "If you will," every other sentence.

For once, Leon was the one confined in the cramped dorm room. Cloud was out getting groceries (mm, ramen and macaroni, the only two food groups they could really afford at the time), and the brunet was stuck in the dorm watching the news, it being summer break and he putting off his summer assignments. Leon absentmindedly munched some Coco Puffs, musing over whether his—lover? Fuckbuddy? Boyfriend?—Cloud, he settled for, would get some cereal and milk, because they were now out of that, too. Maybe if Leon was lucky, the blonde would also remember to purchase some lube, because he was pretty sure they were running low on that, too, and using saliva was just _not_ going to happen.

"And now to Bill with the weather."

Huh, Leon thought to himself. He couldn't remember ever liking someone named Bill.

"Thanks, Jim." Jim? How white _was_ this station? At least his and Cloud's parents were more creative than that! "Now, as you can see, the south will be experiencing severe storms this week, if you will." No, in fact, Leon thought, he would rather not. "And in the north there will be a cold front. Taking a look down toward the gulf, if you will," Leon felt his eye twitch at that. "You can see that there's a slight depression off the coast of Cuba; experts say that this is not expected to form into a hurricane, if you will."

"No, I will not, you fucking retard!" Leon half-shouted at the television. If there was one thing he hated, it was repetition. The weather man could _shut the fuck up_ and just _show him the fucking map_ and Leon was pretty sure he could understand fully, even with his apparent slow mind and without Bill's _if-you-will's._

"Jeez, Leon." The brunet stiffened. Just great. Cloud was home. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to go out and get some pizza." He heard the rustling of the blonde setting the sacks on the tiny counter space and the clicking shut of the bathroom door as Cloud muttered something about how he'd "only been home thirty seconds and already Leon's yelling at me."

Leon sighed. Another thing he hated was apologizing, but that looked like something he'd be having to do if he wanted any sleep within the next month.

* * *

I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look, so I'll ask you guys: in this story so far, has Leon figured out what he should call Cloud? I didn't think so, hence the lover/fuckbuddy/boyfriend thing. If I'm wrong, just tell me so I can fix it, please. Thank you!

As always, please review!

_Edit 1: I did end up re-reading some of the chapters, and I didn't see anything regarding Leon calling Cloud his boyfriend or lover. _

_Edit 2: If you're interested, I have written a silly step-by-step take on how I wrote this chapter. It's posted near the bottom of my seemingly endless profile. I'm hoping it will at least make someone smile!  
_


	16. X

So, uh, I've had this sitting in my "Summer 2009" writing folder FOREVER. I actually typed up the next one, went to save it, and went, "What do you mean I already have a sixteen...?" So I'll probably upload chapter 17 sometime soon, since it's finished. :)

Thank you to EVERYONE who has somehow stuck with this story. I know I don't update all the time, so it's really cool of everyone to keep reading it.

* * *

Idea 16: Draw giant X's all over maps. Claim they mark the hidden treasure.

Leon groaned as he pulled up to another dead end. This was just not his day. It started with waking up and realizing they were out of cereal; Leon _always_ had cereal for breakfast. Then he'd had to make an emergency trip to the Laundromat because he was wearing the only clean clothing he had, and Cloud tripped and spilled juice on him. Now,mhe was supposed to be driving Cloud to a job interview just a town away, and somehow he'd managed to get… he was _not_ lost, just that he had no idea where he was or how to get where he was going.

"Give me the map, Cloud." His blond companion silently handed over the folded piece of paper. After a moment's struggle, he unfolded it and examined it. Or, he would have if there wasn't a giant red X over where he assumed they were. "Cloud…"

"Yes, Leon?"

"Why did you draw X's on my map?"

"So that you could find the hidden treasure!" he exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world (which, to Cloud, it very well might have been). "Look," he said, pointing to the one that was annoying Leon the most, "This one's right up here!"

"There is no treasure, Cloud." Leon snatched the map away. "And now I can't figure out where the fuck we are. I appreciate your help."

Cloud smiled. "You're welcome!"

…_why_ was Leon bothering with this whole ordeal again? Any employer willing to hire that idiot wouldn't have any money to _pay_ the employees, because he'd be wasting it on personal therapy and defence attorneys. Or, more likely, he'd have been committed already.


	17. Interview

This one's super-short... but the next two chapters are finished already!

Since I'm not working on Pursuit and Miserable/Soleil anymore, I have a looot more time to work on this. I spent a lot of time brainstorming and trying to convince myself to write for them (even though once I started I didn't want to stop!) but now I'm only working on this and my original story. Hopefully that means this will be updated much, much more frequently. If not... well, enjoy the next two updates, because they'll be out soon! :)

**Allergy Information: **None this time.

LOLANISLONGERTHANCHAPTERLOL.

* * *

**Idea 16: Interview new potential roommates.**

Leon got home from classes and was greeted with a visitor.

"Oh, hi, Leon!" Cloud chirped. "This is Zack," he said, motioning to aforementioned visitor. Leon already didn't like him from his overly bright smile and hair that could challenge Cloud's for Most Unruly.

"…what is he doing here?"

"I'm interviewing people to be my new roommate!"

Leon blinked. Huh. That actually would work really well for him. He might actually get some work done if he had a different roommate.

"Oh. Okay," Leon said before going over to his desk.

"Uh, why are you looking for roommates if you already have one?" Zack asked.

"Don't worry about him," Cloud said. "He'll be gone soon."


	18. Household

This would've been out sooner if not for my internet's pissiness and my preoccupiedness with the SRA RP. xD So it isn't my fault, really. Blame Bright House and the lovely girls at SRA for being so lovely. But this is still quick for this story, I guess. xD So yeah. Next chapter is written. I'll post it when I feeeel like ittt.

And you guys are still amazing. Every review you guys send makes me smile. :) Do it again, please.

**Allergy Information****:** Language.

* * *

**Idea 19: Develop an irrational fear of a household item.**

"Cloud! For fuck's sake, it's just a Roomba!" Leon tried to pry open the closet door, but Cloud was pulling the handle to keep it shut.

"It's a government conspiracy!" Cloud yelled back. "They have little cameras and microphones inside their creepy little heads!"

"It doesn't even…!" Leon groaned. "Cloud, it doesn't even _have_ a head." Leon kicked the Roomba away from the closet, knowing that if it bumped into anything he wouldn't be able to drag the blonde from there for weeks. He finally managed to get the door open for an inch, and Cloud stuck his head out to peer down at the helpful little vacuum.

"It's a robot," Cloud whispered harshly. "Don't you watch movies? Robots will be our downfall!"

"It cleans floors, Cloud."

"Sure, that's how it starts out. Then they'll be life-sized, animatronic people who are designed to terminate us by travelling through time!"

"…you watched Terminator again, didn't you?"

"What I've watched this week isn't important. I want that… _creature_… out of the apartment!"

Leon rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Fine. I'll give it to Riku." Then he snickered, because Sora would probably be just as scared of it as Cloud.


	19. Missing

AKLJSKALSJASLK. Dx It is a quarter 'til 8AM here, and I haven't slept yet. Going to sleep after this.

This is the last I had written, and I'm actually working on quite a lot now, so the next update may take a while. Thank you for putting of with me! I will try not to disappoint!

* * *

**Idea 19: Put up "missing" flyers.**

Leon ran a hand over his face. Really. He'd only been gone for two hours, and Cloud had put up "missing" posters. He hadn't even thought his boyfriend would wake up before noon.

So Leon set about taking down all the flyers before he went back to his room. Cloud put them fucking _everywhere_. Leon even found some in the library and the cafeteria. Eventually, though, he was sure he was holding every flyer the blonde had posted, so he went back to his room. It probably would have been a good idea to go there first, but Leon doesn't think too well on his feet.

"Leon! There you are!" Leon reeled back as he was tackled. The papers that had taken him an hour to collect fell out of his grasp and fluttered to the ground behind him. Cloud's arms were wound tightly around his neck. "I didn't know where you were!"

Leon felt a smile splitting his face. Cloud was annoying, but somehow his antics had also become a little cute.


	20. Tent

Man, I wish these were longer sometimes... but then it would take me longer to write them! On that note, the hardest part of these is always thinking of an idea... SOO, I'm giving you all the opportunity to suggest some! I'll try to write everyone's, but if I get too many, I may narrow it down a little to my favorites. I doubt that will happen, but it could. xD ANDD. AND. THE ONE WHO SENDS ME MY FAVORITE GETS A FREE STORY. Prompt of his/her choice, any pairing-- hell, it doesn't even really have to be Kingdom Hearts as long as I know it.

And, with that, here's the new chapter!

* * *

**Idea 20: Set up a tent. Inside.**

"…what the fuck, Cloud?"

The blonde poked his head out of the tent he'd felt the need to set up in the middle of the dorm. "Oh, I'm glad you're back. Go get me some water, please?"

"Cloud, _why is there a tent in our room?_"

"It's a jungle out there." Leon wasn't sure how, but Cloud said that with the utmost seriousness and a straight face. He gave up and made to get the blonde a bottle of water. "Ooh! And a sandwich, too? Please?"

Leon rolled his eyes but made Cloud a sandwich. With the offering of food and drink, Leon joined Cloud in the small tent, lying next to him with a sigh.

Well, Leon thought, I've always wanted to go camping.


	21. Rice Krispies

Sorry it's been so long. D:

I have some personal issues I'm dealing with, as well as the School Year from Hell affectionately termed junior year. If you've visited my profile lately, you probably noticed that I have posted an announcement that I'm on a kind of hiatus; yes, that's entirely true (as you may have guessed by now). Trials and Tribulations is currently on hold while I'm working on a one-shot that's taking me an oddly long amount of time. I expect after that, Trials will be the next thing to be updated (perhaps months from now). Until then, just wish me well, please. It's been rough here, and hearing from you certainly makes my day. (:

* * *

Idea 21: Talk back to your Rice Krispies.

Leon woke to find Cloud shuffling about in the cabinets. With a tired sigh, he rolled over.

"What are you looking for?"

"The Rice Krispies," Cloud said, the pout evident in his voice.

Leon ran a hand over his face. "They're in the… uh, the cabinet above the microwave. No, the other one." Leon nodded when Cloud looked at him, hand poised, to reaffirm. With a gleeful almost-squeal, Cloud snatched the box and poured a heaping mound into the bowl he'd set out. Leon rolled back over with the intent of going back to sleep, but after Cloud sat down, he apparently felt like talking.

"And how are you today?" Leon opened his mouth to respond quite rudely before realizing that… Cloud was talking to his Rice Krispies… "No, no, I couldn't… that's stupid!" With a frustrated groan, Cloud sent the bowl cluttering to the floor.

"Cloud," Leon said threateningly, "Clean that up."

"No. I want to watch them suffer."

Leon glared over his shoulder. "The floor had better be spotless when I get up." That being said, he snuggled back into his pillow and went back to sleep.

* * *

Hmm. Is it just me or does Leon sound like a mother? Ahh.

Anyways, please review~


	22. Kitten

:D I update loads during breaks!

Anyway. I've decided upon a Top 5 for the idea submissions. (Even if yours didn't make the Top 5, don't be surprised if I ask you to use it later...) And I hope the original authors don't mind, but I may or may not have altered prompts to fit my needs (wants). Soo. Yeah. If it bothers you, when/if I put it up, just tell me, and I can take it back down.

Anyway. Aaaaatt number 5 of 5, one of _Dragi_'s prompts: Kitty.

* * *

Idea 22: Obtain a kitten. (Name it the dumbest name you can think up.)

Cloud had never known Leon could surprise him. But when the brunet walked into the room with a small bundle under his jacket, Cloud was curious. And when Leon shut the door and looked around suspiciously, Cloud was intrigued. When he pulled out a small, confused and sleepy tabby kitten, Cloud was shell-shocked.

"I… I didn't know you liked animals," he finally said.

Leon held the kitten to his chest protectively. "She was standing by the side of the road," he defended, like that changed everything.

Cloud reached out for it, and although Leon was hesitant, he passed the kitten over to him. It seemed to take a liking to the blonde because it started pawing at his hands, begging to be pet. Leon wanted the cat back, but if she liked Cloud, that was okay, too.

"…let's name her Fluffernuggets," he eventually said.

"What?"

"Fluffernuggets. That's her name."

"That's ridiculous."

Cloud picked her up and held her to his face; she pawed at his cheeks. "What about you, Fluffernuggets? Yeah, you like your name, don't you?" He turned the cat to look at Leon. "She likes it. She's Fluffernuggets."

Leon rolled his eyes and reached out to scratch at her ears. "Fine. But I get to name the next one."

* * *

Teehee. Fluffernuggets. I sat around with my brother, tossing around names for a while, before I hit Fluffernuggets. He didn't like it but I did-- still do. (:

Aaaaanyways. Please review~ (:


	23. Mousetraps

Sorry this took forever! Real life slapped me in the face and made me its bitch. Like, not even joking, I have been so busy lately, there wasn't a whole lot of free time. And then "free time" became studying time or practicing time. And then I got writer's block, which is always a help, of course. Sorry! I'll try not to leave for a month or two again, but there's no promises.

Anyway. _AkuDemyFan_ gets place number 4 with "Place mousetraps all around the house."

OH! ALSO! I really, really, really appreciate you all, but pleeeeeaaase stop sending in submissions! I have PLENTY and I feel bad that I can't use them all, because they all really are good! But I really don't have the time to sort through all the new ones. D: I'm really sorry! I'm glad you're trying to help out, but I can't accept any more.

* * *

**Idea 23: Place mousetraps all around the house.**

Leon woke up in the dark. Everything seemed quiet. Fluffernuggets was curled up at his feet, Cloud wasn't snoring... Cloud. Cloud wasn't even in bed. That raised so many more questions than it answered.

And then Leon heard it. A clack and a snicker. Dear gods, what was that boy up to now? Leon checked the clock. And at three in the morning, for that matter.

"Cloud? What are you doing?" he mumbled tiredly.

"Nothing! Just go back to sleep!"

Okay. Now there was no way he was going back to sleep and allowing Cloud to continue whatever mischief he was trying to get away with this time. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and planted his feet--

"Jesus Christ! Fuck!"

"Leon! I told you to go back to sleep!"

Leon heard Cloud shuffling carefully over to him, but he was too busy clutching his foot in pain to really mind. Cloud flipped on the lamp next to the bed, and now Leon could see the cause of his pain: a mousetrap. The noise had also woken Fluffernuggets, who was a little hesitant to come see what her owners were yelling about. Cloud carefully pried open the mousetrap and set it next to him on the bed.

"Why don't you listen to me?"

Leon snorted. "When has listening to you ever been a good idea?"

Cloud opened his mouth but then paused to think. "Okay, you have a point. Whatever. Just trust me right now; go back to sleep."

Against his better judgment, Leon planned to defy Cloud. He peered around the blonde only to find that the entire room was littered with mousetraps placed seemingly chaotically. Which raised one interesting question: how on earth had Cloud gotten to the bed without setting one off? Wait. Leon shook his head. Shouldn't the bigger question be, why were the mousetraps there, anyway?

Leon wasn't so sure he cared anymore.

Whatever. He rolled back into bed. "When are you coming to bed?"

"After I catch it."

Leon was going to ask "catch what?" but he stopped himself. He wasn't so sure he needed to know that badly. Instead he turned off the lamp and scratched at Fluffernugget's fuzzy little head. Whatever Cloud was up to, Leon didn't need to be a part of it.


	24. Bed Monsters

Sorry that this isn't exactly well-written, but. Well. Life sucks. I did this instead of history reading, so I'm kinda surprised it was written at all.

Anyway, please enjoy. This is number 3 of the Top 5.

ALSO. Since I apparently wasn't clear enough... STOP SENDING ME SUGGESTIONS! I have way too many. I haven't counted them, but if you look at my profile, the ones listed are ONLY the ones I received before Thanksgiving. So plleeeeaaase don't send anymore. DX I have enough, thanks! Anyway. Here ya go:

_TunaSaladSpritzer_ suggested something involving bed monsters. :)

* * *

Idea 24: Bed monsters.

"Cloud, _what_ are you doing?"

Cloud paused, one foot planted a good foot and a half away from the bed and the other leg stretched to step onto the bed.

"Getting on the bed," he replied simply.

Leon blinked. "Cloud, you can step closer."

"Nuh-uh."

"…why not?"

"The bed monsters will get me!" Cloud finally took the giant step-slash-leap to climb onto the bed, which he then flopped on.

"Cloud, there aren't any bed monsters."

"There are too! One attacked me this morning!"

Leon rolled his eyes. "It was your imagination. There's no such thing as bed monsters." He stepped close to the bed. "Se-- ow!" Leon shouted when something clawed at his foot. Cloud grabbed him quickly and pulled him onto the safety of the bed.

"Told you so."

Leon pulled his legs closer, away from the edge. "What just attacked me?"

"The bed monster! Weren't you listening?"

Leon sighed, exasperated, and let his head fall back against Cloud's shoulder. He was officially giving up.


	25. War

Um, so I've had this written, but I didn't have the time to type it... I promise it's not that it took me this terribly long to write so little. XD It was the typing that was the issue. ANYWAY, sorry that this is mostly dialogue, but it gets icky once I try to add in everything else.

Oh, and this is from ForForever, who told me to make them Spartan/Roman! :D

**Allergy Information****:** Uh, there's some history in here somewhere. I think.

* * *

Idea 25: Stage the Trojan War in your hallway.

"En guarde!"

"Cut!" Zack yelled. "Cloud, that's _French_. You're supposed to be Greek."

"Uhh… Artemis?"

"…you're retarded," Leon announced. "Look, you don't _need_ a battle cry--"

"Ooh! I got a good one. Okay, how's _this_: 'Hello. My name is Inigo Mon--'"

"No, you _cannot_ quote Princess Bride," Zack interjected, fixing his slipping beret. Leon groaned and slumped into a nearby chair. "Ugh, just… shout something about Helen."

"Who's Helen?"

"The whole war is about her!"

"Oh. Okay."

"Alright. Ready?"

"Yep."

"Okay… action!"

"For melons!"

"Cut!" Zack sighed and rubbed at his temple. "Melons?"

"You said the war was about melons."

"No, I said _Helen_. The war. Is about. Helen."

"Oh. Alright. I think I have it now."

"Take three… action!"

"For Helen!"

...

"…for Helen," Cloud repeated.

"Leon," Zack whispered harshly. "Leon, your line."

"…I think he fell asleep."

"Dammit!"


	26. Breadcrumbs

OHMYDEARJESUS, I AM SOOO SORRY. Things are just so hectic here that time just FLEW by! I feel horrible! D: So this was written very quickly. Sorry! I know for a fact the next update won't be until after May 12, the date of my final AP exam, but after then, I'll try to be better. School's almost finished for the year, so please bear with me a little longer!

Also, I apologize to any reviewer (ahem, that's basically all of my reviewers, right?) who I haven't replied to. Like I said. It's been very hectic here. I will try to get around to it sometime this week, but no promises. It's nothing personal, I swear.

ANYWAY. Here's your chapter. Sorry for the shortness/lateness/suckiness/etc-ness.

* * *

Idea 26: Leave a trail of breadcrumbs wherever you go.

Nudge. Nudge. Nudge. …nudgenudgenudgenu-- "Fuck, Cloud, go back to bed," Leon groaned.

"I can't find Cloud."

"What?"

Leon rolled over, coming face to face with a certain dark-haired best friend of his roommate. "Zack."

"Leon."

"You have five seconds to get off my bed."

"Cloud _said_ you'd be pissy in the morning."

Leon ran a hand over his face. "I thought you said you couldn't find him."

"I can't. We're playing hide-and-seek, and he's really good at hiding."

Leon raised an eyebrow. Stealth and secrecy didn't seem like Cloud's strong points. Still, Leon made himself sit up and swing his legs out of bed.

"…what did I just step on?"

"Huh?"

Leon looked down at the floor. "Please tell me those aren't breadcrumbs."

"No, they are. They're everywhere today."

"Did you consider maybe _following_ them?"

Zack nodded fervently. "I did. They lead here."

Leon looked down where the breadcrumbs ended. Right at the edge of the bed.

"Cloud, get out from under the bed."

Blond spikes poked out. Cloud announced, "You are just no fun in the mornings."


	27. Counting

It's reeeally short. And a day later than I thought it would be. D: But that's 'cause I went with my bestie to see that new JLo movie yesterday, and then I had to go shopping for glitter and rocket engines. I was out late, and totally spaced. Sorry. ^^;

Umm, but anyway. Yeah. I think this has my favorite last line so far. XD So that's why I didn't try to expand it.

EDIT: Thanks to those who pointed out that I spelled the German "zehn" wrong. I don't know why I did that. -.-;;

* * *

Idea 27: Count your steps. Out loud. In German.

Leon gave Cloud quixotic, frequent glances as they walked together toward the parking lot from the dorm.

"Vier," Cloud muttered as her took a long stretch of a stride. Another of the same steps and, "Funf."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm-- sechs-- counting my steps. Sieben."

"…in _German_."

"Uh-huh."

Leon watched Cloud take another strange step-- "acht"-- before he asked, "So why are you walking weird?"

"Neun. I only know up to like twenty. Zehn."

Leon looked at Cloud, at the dorm, back at Cloud, then to the car.

"You might want to take longer steps then."


End file.
